Flashes
by Nny11
Summary: A series of exploratory drabbles about Liara's life, many relating back to her relationship with Benezia. If I did this right there should be some decent laughs and feels.
1. Speak

Liara doesn't remember it, but that doesn't mean that Benezia and every single person who ever even heard about it doesn't tell the story as if they had been there. Still, Liara clings to the memory of a memory because it is her mother and because it made her happy.

Back before Benezia had learned Liara's strange sleeping habits and quirks, back when Liara had been a mere four years old and struggling to speak they had co-slept during the night. It was not restful for either party but they had no way to know what Liara wanted considering she was still mostly babbling. So often at night Benezia would wake up to her daughter crying and crying, and they would essentially play a game of 20 Questions.

Do you want some water?

Are you cold?

Are you too hot?

Are you hungry?

Do you need the bathroom? Potty?

The answer was always a watery shake of the head and sniffles, no matter what.

This particular night, Liara had finally been fitfully put to sleep (at least fifteen of her mother's acolytes claimed it was them) as Benezia was still at the temple issuing rights and reading scripts (allegedly for Janiaris, the solstice, and the Blessing of Mitera). Benezia had barely made it back in her exhaustion at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning. She promptly went to her room and collapsed into bed next to baby Liara. Benezia was woken up that night not by her daughter's crying or screaming but by a painful feeling on her crest. Benezia slowly woke up to find Liara's hands on her face, scratching her head and crest, drooling a little bit (a lot), and happily repeating mana, mana, mana. First proper word from the late bloomer and first night of sleep without some sort of drama attached. Benezia had been so happy she had scooped Liara up and (laughed, sang, danced) so loudly that (one, several, everyone) came up to see what had possibly happened to their exhausted matriarch.

Liara always liked her mother's quiet explanation the most.

You spoke and you named me, and my heart soared on these little wings you gave me.


	2. Creatures

At the time Liara remembered thinking that Hanar were the most fantastical creatures or aliens she had ever seen. Floating serenely and easily even without water to aid them, no apparently head or face to her young eyes, so many tentacles. She greatly enjoyed being with them, their polite and quiet demeanor had always been calming and appreciated by the equally polite and quiet Asari. She remembered thinking they were so alien, and strange. As a very young child they held her complete fascination, her mother often joking that there would be a Hanar in the family by the time Liara hit 60. Then she discovered the Protheans. Protheans! Galactic conquerors, technological wizards, architectural masters! Liara wrapped herself up in what little was known of their culture and behavior, eagerly joining extranet groups and flooding her mother's library with academic tomes. She dove head long into the mystery of their disappearance, the lack of physical remains, the lack of visual depictions of themselves even as they were known for their carvings. Who were they, and why are they gone? Where is everyone else who must of existed then? The image of a nearly imaginary race held her gaze.

Then she had met Javik, and really, is there anything more fantastical than the Avatar of Vengeance from a 50,000 year extinct sentient species that had dominated the galaxy?


	3. Fate

While Liara has always hoped, like any regular individual, that her life would be well lived, just long enough, and filled with happiness she touched less often on how it would end. This is in large part due to Asari life spans, Liara remembers how the first time someone she knew died she had lived a full 43 years. It had been horrible and she had struggled to put that person's memory into her heart without crushing it. Two scant years later one of her more distant cousins died in a shuttle accident at 610 years old along with her 23 year old daughter. Liara hadn't know them well, but she took a valuable lesson away from that. Yes, Asari have a long time to live but the universe may ask for you back rather quickly. To her mother's distress Liara buckled down at Serrice University and quickly began to focus on doing the things she wanted to the most, being a successful Prothean specialist and a doctor of archeology. Many people were shocked when a mere 60 year old began to make waves with her research and was leading teams at prestigious sites. Really, her life began to sound like some sort of ancient tale, a young maiden who struggles and fights and climbs to the top from hard work and will. With that, she began to learn more about her own potential fate. Perhaps, unlike the wish she had to quietly slip away enjoying herself amongst friends and family, she would die another way. Like the raid she survived at 64, where over half their team died in the crossfire of local vigilantes and pirates. Or like the way years later one of the university's transport shuttles was picked up by slavers, the twelve people on board were never found again. Her assistant at Eletania had slipped and tumbled down a steep embankment, and died from the internal injuries within the hour. She read articles about researchers digging too deeply into the Prothean mystery and being assassinated. Liara began to suspect that it could happen to her, although youthful idealism told her it wasn't very likely though.

Suspended in the Prothean security device on Therum Liara had at one point fallen into a fit of hysterical laughter, her sides and neck cramping as her eyes rolled about. She remembered how a few of her students had worried about the nearly active volcano she would be working in, and the remote location making a prime target for looters. She had reassured them she would be back in two years, and that nothing would happen. Liara had never considered being attacked by Krogan and Geth. Geth! Ha! Of course, that wasn't even going to be it. She was going to die of heat exposure or dehydration at this rate. She knew that at least a few days had passed, but time really has no meaning when you're trapped and bound. No dropping off while enjoying the beach. No light as she passed in a garden. Not even on Thessia, not even in Republic space. She felt another tug of manic giggles as she thought about future generations who would work around this spot, point at her mummified corpse and say, "Be careful."

If the Krogan didn't get her out and kill her first. Of course.


	4. Exclusion

Liara sat awkwardly, both to the side and yet a part of the small circle of children. They were playing some sort of game with clapping and whispering and shallow joinings, and somehow it was never her turn. She waited and waited but it always seemed to skip her, and as it went her enthusiasm went too. In the back room her mother was speaking with several other politicians and a few other matriarchs. Their daughters and granddaughters and great grand-daughters sat out here with and without her. Liara squinted in concentration, perhaps she wasn't being skipped over but just didn't know how to play right. Did she need to force her way in or do something before someone else had their turn? Her gaze only broken off as a commando bumped her as she strolled by. Liara lifted her gaze to the woman's fierce, haughty gaze. Not one of her mother's commandos, someone else. Liara quickly looked back at the circle and sighed. She was sitting rather far out after all.


	5. Nightmare at Sea

Liara dove deep into the water, the icy shock not enough to convince her to turn from her task. Her eyes forced open into the grey-green depths searching for the soft blue glow. While very young, and a little pudgy, she kicked and swam with the grace born to her people. Deeper and deeper still, following the glowing lines below of the seaweed. Nestled within the soft dark lines was a small anemone, its biotic glow shifting and diffused through the waves in a dance she could have watched for hours. The Reaper's trumpeting scared the small creature, Liara turned to stare at the red tinted surface. The beam cut through the water boiling and she swam. Her lungs burned from lack or air, her eyes stung from salt. Her mother floated gently in the ocean, her robe flapping as if in a wind. Benezia stretched out her hands a promise of safety if Liara could reach them. The beam reached them first, her mother disappearing into the boiling sea. It didn't even hurt as it reached her.


	6. Loot

Yes, Liara decides, it's silly of her but that will not stop her now. She had found the ancient, broken warp blade and had been holding it for the last hour as she explored the store. Leaving it behind would be sillier. An honest to goodness warp blade from the late 2nd century and from Armali! Her grandmother had owned a warp blade like this one, Benezia had shown Liara once in a meld her own fascination as a child when her mother lit it with biotics, using perhaps a bit more flare than strictly necessary for opening the letter that was on hand for the demonstration. The blades themselves were folded and honed, worked for decades and shaped into the most beautiful patterns. This one looked like molded flames and if it worked would look like dancing water. Liara quietly turned the blade over and over as she looked at the carvings and inscriptions, all in Armic although the handle has one image on it. Liara smiles lightly at the two naked figures there. She hopes that someone at home can fix it, or knows who to contact at the guild halls to fix it. More a work of art than anything else, this one. It would be like sheet music that no one can remember how to read if left dead. She happily buys it and tucks it into her bag


	7. Mundane

Watching her was beautiful. Leaning over a basin, hands dipping and dropping, the water splashing lightly off her crest and shoulders. Her eyes were closed as the salt water rolled in lazy streams down her body, dripping to the woven mat below. Some followed the tattoos along her back and sides. The sun pierced through the open portal to the beach outside, early mornings always. A stiff brush worked in stilted lines, her mother had always kept a habit for how to wash. From the small bowl on the night stand she could smell Itaren flowers, their delicate petals already wilting. She sat quiet and small as she could, she just wanted to stay here forever with the sound of waves and the smell of flowers and the sight of her hale mother setting about a mundane task. Her mother tilted her head with a warm smile as she beckoned. Come here Little Wing, I will help you.


	8. Sleep

Liara has always been a finicky sleeper. A perpetual war between being warm and cool, tense and relaxed, alone and with others. As a child Liara would often start the night with her mother, curled up happily against her bare chest having been told stories and sung songs until she'd drooped with exhaustion. Within a few hours she would toss and turn fitfully and eventually awaken with a need to sleep alone. When she was very young this was often translated as waking up and crying as Benezia soothed her and got her to her own space. It was so regular that the matriarch had started to work and plan around her daughter's panic and restlessness, and eventually designated a small room near her own for Liara's personal use. Liara, for her part, had been embarrassed and ashamed, and eternally grateful that her mother understood. As she grew older she would still start with Benezia and eventually wake to simply walk down the hallway to her own room. When she was truly no longer a child, Liara began to sleep in her own room alone for the whole night through. Now on her own, and having been for years, Liara struggled still with sleep. Tossing and turning, finding herself tangled in the sheets one moment and then finding the sheets chucked half way across the room the next. Illusive, was the word for it. How do people actually sleep for a solid six hours, she would wonder. Up and down every one or two— even when ill, even when exhausted. Liara had marveled at her dorm mates at Serrice University as they seemed unconcerned and slept soundly.

All these years later, all this time gone, and Liara found that the most comforting thing at night was to remember her mother softly singing, the warmth of her body, the scent of her perfume. Even if she was doomed to wake up a scant few hours later to readjust and fight to sleep again, the memories soothed.


	9. Elders

Liara had never really considered the question of "what will you be when you grow up". After all, Asari tended to be many things throughout their long lives. In fact, despite the way her crew mates probably thought of her, Liara did have a career goal after archeologist and Prothean expert. And no it wasn't university professor, thank you very much! Liara actually wanted to join the Republic Guard, specifically in the naval division for search and rescue. While many Asari saw the logic and felt it was an appropriate choice for development and experience, Humans were strange. They were used to taking up one or two careers, usually related in some fashion and, if not, typically they pursued the more physical items first and then moved on to less rigorous items later on. Not that all humans do, Liara thought of Karin Chakwas and her tales of boring civilian jobs before signing up for the Alliance. Beyond this period of maritime heroics, Liara hadn't really considered the next 500 to 800 years of her life. After all, with that long to go who was to say Liara wouldn't become a shut in, or a Justicar, or the Councilor! Goodness but there was enough time to try many things yet. So as she closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself as a matriarch all she really saw was herself at 9 years old happily pulling her mother's head dress on and smiling in the mirror.


	10. Nightmare at Alchera

Digging deeper into the snow Liara felt herself detach. Here were Shepard's tags, but where was Shepard's body? She continued to dig handful after handful of snow but could not make any headway. Feron knelt next to her, red dripping into the snow, face disfigured and teeth broken. He helped her dig anyways. Down into the snow bank they found Kaiden's body, still damaged from Virimire but fortunately in one piece. His glassy eyes stared past her but he still smiled. And Kaiden helped her dig. Further they went, searching for Shepard. Liara felt herself grow frantic, what if they were in the wrong place? Hands reached out and pulled her down, her mouth and nose filling with snow. She struggled back even as two sets of hands pushed her down and has felt the first soft thump of snow hitting her back. Benezia pulled her close and lovingly kissed her forehead. I am so proud of you.


	11. Kindness

The way Tali hums as she works has long held Liara's fascination. The ability to perform such a complex musical piece without any real thought to it, while simultaneously completing engineering feats and hacking triumphs, is not something easily done. Tali's music was rarely simple and often held a cadence that Liara struggled to understand. She would describe it as swirling if that even made sense. Liara had tried to softly hum a few measure of one she particularly liked and had promptly lied when Karen asked if she had a sore throat. Yes, the Quarian was definitely skilled in Liara's opinion. When Liara had asked once, Tali's voice had swung up in mild embarrassment as she asked, "I do?" Liara had smiled gently, such wonderful creativity and a truly self-less joy from thoughtless humming. Tali had laughed but appreciated the sentiment.

Ashley checks her work twice with swift hands even as she explains it to Liara. They have finally reached a peace and a place where it is, if not comfortable, at least not uncomfortable. Recently they have started a game, using well known colloquialisms to explain themselves and watching the other guess at the meaning. They both understand some similar items, to hold the sea with one's hands, to hide behind mother's skirt. Others confound. Liara spent the better part of a morning wondering how she was supposed to let Wrex roll off her back before realizing Ashley had meant his comment instead of the Krogan himself, and in the sense of letting it not bother her. Likewise she had delighted at watching the Chief silently mouth, "Between two mountains and a third" before snapping her fingers with a grin, "It's an uphill battle!" she'd laughed.

Garrus's humor never failed to appear at the most inappropriate times, and yet everyone seemed to laugh even if the quip was directed at them. Liara had lived in fear for a while of becoming a target for the Turian to mock, having found his humor sometimes cruel. When one of her warps had destroyed a flight of stairs forcing them to the elevator, Garrus had seized his opportunity. "But I really wanted to use those, you know, with my full combat load and armor. I missed my workout this morning." She had been eternally grateful that it was gentle teasing having already felt very bad over ruining the plan of attack. After that she watched more carefully, and began to notice that he did actually scale his humor up and down depending on who was on the receiving end. It is a skill and kindness, although Garrus still claimed that as a sniper he always carefully chooses his targets and load.

Wrex sat next to her and simply let her be, he did not press or apologize. He simply was as Liara struggled through her despair. The only time he moved or made a sound was when others tried to come and interrupt her mourning, and then it was to growl and block the door. After they left, he'd return to her side and sit again on the floor letting her be once more. She didn't scream, but she cried and beat at her chest, clawed at her skull. Her legs kicked ineffectively against the floor as she struggled to find herself again. When she was spent Wrex had quietly and softly wiped a small amount of blood from her face, from where Liara wasn't sure, and pulled her into his lap. She slept, and every time she awoke with a gasp he held her firmly and rumbled soothingly.

Kaidan and Liara quietly made perplexed eye contact as Joker and Shepard both blushed. Liara had long since learned that humans didn't always take the truth well or understand the difference between when one stated a fact or an opinion. A moment before their eyes broke apart Kaidan suddenly seemed to catch on and did blush a little bit. Liara slowly looked between them trying to catch on herself. The LT had an unusual way with words, both poetic and blunt when needed. It was a gift that Liara envied as she stuttered, repeated, and tried to find the original thread of the conversation. At times though his ability seemed to shock or surprise his fellow humans, but Liara found a deep appreciation still for Kaidan's daily gift of words. And, to be fair, that particular dancer did have very large breasts, and they had shot up Chora's Den before anyone could have appreciated her dancing and sexual prowess.

Shepard had a deep set kindness and empathy that never failed to amaze Liara. Talk down a hurting and somewhat delusional ex-Alliance officer? Sure thing! Convince pirates to turn over their hostage before peacefully turning themselves in, and getting their hostage to aid the pirates? No problem. Every hurt, every interest, every secret seemed very easy to simply tell the Commander and Liara had yet to see a soul who had resisted. Shepard didn't use flowery language, or clever tricks. Just kindness and empathy, even to the enemy. Liara quietly basked in the glory of such an innate and beautiful talent, in the warmth of such a directed and wonderful skill.


	12. Crushed

Liara had been halfway through a foamy sip of much needed caffeine when she looked at her receipt. Scribbled in loose handwriting was an omni number, a smiley face, and a small heart dotting the "i" in the other girl's name. Coughing enough to have actually drawn the concerned gaze of a few passersby Liara tried to understand what was going on. Neitha. What was her barista playing at? Liara tried to think if she had offended her recently or forgotten to tip but pulled blanks for a while. This was obviously a setup, or a joke, or a prank? Her mind whirred and Liara quickly forgot about going to her introductory philosophy course. Have a laugh on the pureblood or was this supposed to be something else? Liara flipped it over a few times to see any other writing. She examined her cup and only managed to blush violet as she found another heart dotting the "i" in her own name. What if this was real? What if Neitha really was interested in—her mother's pained gaze and stiff demeanor filled her head. Yes Little Wing, your father was Asari. Liara felt herself crumple first, even in their silence with one another Liara would never allow herself to shame her mother further. It took more willpower than it should have to crumple that note.


	13. Treat

Liara felt nearly shocked with herself, but it was small enough that she was able to keep a neutral face as she allowed her friends to take a piece of candy each. Truly, she'd never been this devious and in such an insignificant way too. Petty perhaps, but she had fallen prey to enough pranks herself to know that this would likely help put her in better standing with the crew. And it would be funny. Kapnas, goddess it was perfect! She had been tricked a few weeks back into trying something called "mint bark", it was disgustingly sweet and weakly flavored. Few had known how genuinely repulsed she'd been, after all the humans loved chocolate barks. Shepard knew better, Shepard had already discovered that the Asari palate could incorporate amazing subtle flavors but trended towards boldness that always seemed to shock aliens. As her compatriots (victims?) took a bite, Liara managed to not laugh at her Commander's red cheeks and watery eyes by sheer miracle, and with as much innocence as she could muster took a bite of her own piece. Ah yes, victory is never as sweet if you have never lost, and this was mint bark sweet victory.


	14. Timing

Liara cracks her bleary eyes open and squints towards her alarm clock displaying a dismal 1:22 am. She pops her neck and rolls over, then as an afterthought pulls the sheets up just enough to uncover her feet.

Liara groans as her back and shoulders protest any further pressure. Flopping with no sign of grace onto her stomach she glares at her alarm clock, 3:04 am.

Having at some point rolled to the other side of the bed, Liara scoots back to her regular side and hauls the sheets and the comforter back over her. As she pulls it over her head with a shiver, Liara notes that it's only 4:43 am.

Liara sighs and lays trapped on her bed, both uncomfortable and unwilling to move as the clock counts down to her alarm. It's set for 5:30, and as it is 5:12. Liara feels it would be foolish to get up when she could enjoy this for the next 18 minutes. Her neck protests loudly and she fidgets. Yes, enjoyment. She flops around a few times getting far too hot and kicks off the covers again. So soothing and relaxing. Freezing, she gropes for just the comforter. She cannot get up until the alarm goes off, it's the rule! Squinting hopefully she groans as the clock reads 5:18am.


	15. Nightmare at Hagalaz

She was fifteen and barely able to reach the surface of her desk. It was no small feat to clamber onto her chair, legs tucked underneath so she could sit a little taller. Her haptic screens spewed information out at her in waterfalls and she quietly got to work. Nyxeris gave her a coloring book and Aethyta gave her a glass of juice. She had to study for tomorrow, and mother would be home late. She had promised she would help. Where was she? Where was Shepard? Where is everyone?


	16. Memories

Floating on the ethereal wings of pure consciousness, we are unaware of all that passes outside. We are both calm and nervous, and something tickles at our skin. Four hands clasped together, we feel only the skin of the palms pressed together, and mostly the heartbeat within. Whispers at the back of our mind, images that flash and twinkle as they pass by us carried on a river's current. The stars fill up above or below us, and a tidal wave is held at bay by the flutter of a butterfly's wings. We smile, we frown, we laugh. Concentrate Little Wing, we tell us. We are, we promise. A tingling sensation as we float face up on the ocean's surface. Below a cacophony of memories and thoughts try to pull us down below. We start to sink distracted by a familiar heart aching face that we have never seen before. We pull us up gently with teary eyes. Not today, not right now. Ok.


	17. Meditations

She quietly sat in meditation at the temple, her mother speaking softly to practitioners here to pray. She had trotted along in her mother's wake arms full of flowers and incense, eyes watery as she tried not to cry. Liara had wanted to go to the park, not the temple, they were always at the temple. Athame would understand them enjoying the day. Even as she pulled closer to her mother in fear of the strangers around her, Liara felt a pang of anger at her. Now turned to guilt she sat quietly and watched as person after person spoke with Benezia. Many in tears, with grateful thanks when they were done. Ducking her head lower in shame Liara asked for forgiveness for being so bad as to want her mother alone again


	18. Adulting

Liara wasn't homeless, but she was broke and had been lost in the absolutely worst places in Serrice. She hadn't had enough money on her person to buy a shuttle trip to the university, she'd barely had enough to make it to the wrong end of this city at all. That was the price one pays when they forge their own path. Mother had screamed furiously before, essentially, throwing her out the door. She'd at least let Liara grab a small duffle bag to take a change of clothes in although not her omni tool, and luckily those clothes had had a solitary nearly depleted credit chip in them, before having the commandos escort her off the T'Soni Estate. Liara had tried to pull more from her savings, but had been cowed that her access had been removed by Benezia. The whole thing stank of set up, it was a lot of hot air from the matriarch to scare her into coming back, apologizing, and agreeing to do what her mother wanted. Liara did not want to, she could not do it, and she would **not** do it! She'd taken her credits and hopped that shuttle and now she desperately tried to navigate the streets of metropolis. She had done well considering how sheltered and naïve she was, but her inability to talk with others had curtailed her ability to get help. So here she sat near a sewage pipe chatting to a mentally unwell individual trying to convince them that it was not actually 2042 and that the Krogan's were not invading. Liara would have laughed at it all, she had a full ride scholarship to the University and even had a dorm room already set up for her to utilize upon arrival. She had be guaranteed a job on campus, so she would quickly have the funds for at least a basic omni. After two weeks on the street she was ready to feel pampered again. As she quietly explained again about the genophage, Liara accepted the small package of dried noodles from her companion and happily ate. Why yes, I am an adult and this is what freedom is all about.


	19. Comfort

Her heart was racing and she tried desperately to suck in air, shaking as she imagined a wall forming between her and the world rising up to the sky. Too many. Too many people, too many sounds, too many sights, too many, too many, too many—arms wrapped around her and her mother's voice came softly. Gentle instructions, gentle explanations. We're leaving, see? We're leaving right now. Breathe in for ten, through your nose and out your mouth. There's the maanru, let's get in now, small step, Shiala will drive. Breathe in through your nose, just like that. Close your eyes. There we are. Just listen to me, no one else. Liara is breathing, but far too little and far too much. Her head pounds, her back and stomach ache and she doubles up. Hands up on the sides of her head, crying. Trying not to cry, she's not a baby anymore, she's not a child; she is in control. She's not in control, she's not in control. Liara feels her heart skip a beat before going twice as hard, maybe it's a heart attack. This is how she'll die is in her mother's arms, and mother will be sad, and mother will hate her for it. Please don't hate me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Benezia wraps her shawl around them as if blocking out the galaxy, filtering the light into a muted yellow hue, protecting. The glow of her biotics holding it helps to calm Liara, watching the waves and patterns as she starts to calm down. I ruin everything. The tears and choking come back full force, rocking and holding it in. Hold it in, I'm sorry, just stop it, I can't stop, I can't stop, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Mother holds her tightly and whispers softly, and keeps the world away with nothing but her love. Loving always, loving always.


	20. Nightmare at Therum

Liara felt herself trapped, outside the Prothean barrier the N7 soldier spoke in quiet tones with shadowy figures. She called, and then screamed, and was ignored. Why won't she help me? Why isn't she listening to me? Liara's throat grew sore and the heat seemed infinitely worse as she hung helpless in the air. She could hear Geth chatter and Legion's modulated voice. It grew hotter still and she felt like she was dying. With one quick glance back the soldier shook her head and left Liara behind. Her mother tilted her head with a cold smile as she ordered. Come here, you will help me.


	21. Caught

Flushing nearly black with embarrassment Liara felt her pen peel off her face. In the door way her mother stood, faint disapproval mixed with amusement as her daughter scrambled to wake up. This was the second time this week she had fallen asleep at her desk instead of in bed. Her computer was still up and the silly cartoons about laws and bills was frozen as soon as her eyes had not been detected on the screen. She shuffled a stack of pads and osd cards to buy some time. Her mother walked over to the radio, still playing sugary pop rock ballads, and turned it off. I am not angry little one, come to bed now, it is very late.


	22. Fluffy

Liara tried to surreptitiously nudge the toy further under her pillow as Shiala made a quick check around the room. After having left her personal room in a mess one to many times, Benezia was requiring others to check in randomly on Liara's space to keep her on the proper path. Liara had of course protested, no one else was really ever in her room and she could find everything she needed with ease. Benezia's lips had thinned and her hands had gone flat against her belly at the declaration. So with no end to her pouting and annoyance, Liara had been forced to clean up her room to her mother's much higher standards. Right now however, she was not worried about a stray shirt or upended book being discovered. Liara was worried that Shiala would find her stuffed Krogan plushie J'Don. Liara had seen him in a toy store window almost a year ago and had immediately wanted him. She had found out how much he would cost, she'd saved her allowance, she had begged for odd jobs to get tips. Liara had been driven and secret about why she wanted to save up some money. At 23 she was too old for little kid toys, the thought of anyone knowing how badly she wanted one or how hard she'd worked for him sent her miserably burying her face into J'Don. With a supreme amount of willpower Liara managed to not so much as twitch in her pillow's direction as Shiala finished up. There were no questions about the lump under her pillow, there was no knowing smile as her Krogan was discovered. Liara gleefully launched herself onto the bed and pulled him out with a giggle. Shiala's sudden reentry and knowing smile took the stuffing right out of her.


	23. Sappy

Liara tossed the fenugreek seeds in the pan trying to enjoy herself. Cooking wasn't exactly her specialty, but Liara had found that she rarely ruined a meal as long as she followed the recipe. She had also been experimenting with more Human cuisine and delighted with the different styles, flavors, and varieties that they had. Like Humans themselves, their food seemed to have endless variation. From fatty and salty, to lean and pungent, Liara had even had a soup once where the broth seemed nearly flavorless and yet the seafood benefitted from it immensely. She had ended up levitating to curries and dal of every kind, and consequently had been introduced to fenugreek. Not that she used it like Humans, who saw it as a small extra enhancer, Liara found the bitter flavor to be a perfect match for dart fish fries and pentia salads where it was the practically the primary flavor. Normally she was excited to get a hold of the exotic item and to cook with it on her own. Today, she was thinking about Kaidan. Not that he liked fenugreek, Liara had a feeling he wouldn't even know what it was. But the smell always reminded her of the syrup that he had given her at the start of her culinary exploration. Maple syrup, to Liara's continuing amusement, from an Earth tree. He had happily joked with her about his sappiness and how glad he was to find her a small bottle of "the real stuff" instead of "sugar water". He had been so considerate about the whole situation considering Liara had not advertised what she was doing in fear for her Kapnas retribution, but he had noticed her trying. Even if he laughed a little when telling her that you didn't add this to that, and apparently marinara was not a common spread for morning toast. Sweet, sappy Kaidan. The fenugreek seemed extra bitter that night without his presence.


	24. Markings

Having scrubbed her crest and washed her face, Liara debates putting on some light make up for the day. Lipstick has rarely hurt anyone and maybe a bit of blush or eye shadow. Definitely she will add a small amount of liner to her tattoos, something to help them pop out, but not obnoxiously. Living with humans, Liara has learned that her brow markings are very well received; humans feel more comfortable with someone who looks like them. She's noticed that they cringe away on occasion from Asari with heavy facial tattoos and yet no brow marks, simply because they struggle to read that alien face. Liara chuckles lightly as she thinks about her own mother's heavily tattooed features. As a child she'd wanted the same markings done when she left her mother's home. Benezia had convinced her to start with something a bit smaller before jumping into the big pool and Liara was honestly grateful for it. Such large dark marks would make her feel uncomfortable now, and would simply draw the human's attention to them instead of to her. Still, she rather likes the idea of getting a chin stripe and something along her cheekbones someday.


	25. Graduation

She was, miraculously, still smiling as she slipped into the air car. Her twisted graduation wrap immaculate and clasped in her shaking hands along with her diploma. As the door closed and the people and cameras disappeared Liara finally was able to cry. Her valedictorian speech had mostly been canned and that had probably saved her the ultimate shame of falling apart in front of her peers and teachers. A fifty year old fool is what she was. Goddess she should have asked for an exception, the speech had ruined her. Her mother held her close, but could not hold her tightly for fear the wrap would come undone. Maybe other Asari wouldn't mind if it did, but it would have mortified Liara. She felt both gratitude and anger at the loose grip. But it wouldn't do and she would very possibly die if she wasn't presentable for the social and then the dance. She didn't want to go to them, she wanted to go home and have dinner with her mother and her followers. Liara wanted nothing more than to miss a cue to pass the wine and have the commandos tease her for putting her elbow in the eikat broth bowl, to watch her mother laughing and bareheaded as she and Shiala continued to trade backhanded compliments and steal food from Yavel's plate. At least they would understand that if Liara suddenly bolted in tears that it wasn't because she was a rude terrible person, they would look at each other and send someone after her to make sure she calmed down. They wouldn't judge her.


	26. Visitor

On Thessia there is a primate called the Lefko-Pou, it's a small enough creature about 30 cm tall but an impressive 2kg to its stature. It has fantastic white tufts of fur sprouting from its cheeks and in a ridge along its back. The mostly dark fur and white accents really just help to make the brilliantly green skin pop out even more. It's flared large nose and small beady eyes are nearly comical. In fact, many children delight in the Lefko as they hang from their tails and trick the unwary out of their treats and drinks. Liara is unsure why they appear so often in her dreams, especially as the Lefko she sees in these dreams is far, far too large. Almost as big as her, the Lefko tends to appear when Liara finds herself in trouble in dreams. It doesn't help her or harm her, it just **is** and it's unsettling. She specifically remembers an instance where she'd dreamt of getting stuck in a tree, despite having outgrown her fear of heights, dream Liara had been too scared to climb down and instead climbed further and further up, fully expecting to reach some sort of escape that way. And indeed she found a ceiling with a hole in it just above her tree. Stretching out, she'd grabbed the lip of the hole and suddenly remembered the height she'd come. The tree was gone her feet dangling over hundreds of feet of air. As she struggled to pull herself up, Liara suddenly saw the Lefko's shaggy head push through the hole. They stared at one another and she knew that if for one moment she looked away, that she would fall to her death. Her hands ached, her shoulders burned, and then the Lefko chittered at her. Liara fell a foot, landed on her feet, and woke up.

When people ask her if she has recurring dreams Liara smiles and shakes her head, just reoccurring monkeys she thinks.


	27. Offering

It had taken an honest introspection and a meditation to make the decision. Despite the mistrust and fear, they had risen above and fallen into trust. Liara carefully considered what she could do to take this relationship to the next level. Would he like tea? Does he smoke? Gift basket, she had learned, had different customs and reasons for humans. Could she still make one for him without it being a step in the wrong direction? Did he even want a gift? Liara had learned a little about friendship gifts on the extranet, but it was mostly about what children do and she was rather sure a friendship bracelet was not exactly what either of them wanted. Maybe she could get something for his grandchildren instead, or, no, that probably was some other bizarre taboo humans have. Liara found her restless feet taking her to the mess where he sat sipping on a cup of coffee. Quietly she slipped in behind the counter and made a snack for them to share. She hoped it wasn't too far out of normal human tastes, the recent bacon fiasco seemed grilled into her brain. Sliding into the bench next to him Liara smiled at Pressly and motioned to the fruit bowl. He gave her a warm smile and got her a cup of coffee before diving into the message he'd gotten from his son. As they sat and spoke Liara was rather glad that she hadn't given herself time to overthink this. Charles showed her a picture of his grandson, covered in some sort of icing and pastry with balloons all around. "When we get a chance, you should come meet them, I bet that Sammy would love to meet you.


	28. Call

Grading papers Liara almost jumped for joy as her omni began to ring, midterms were only made more terrifying and horrible when she had started grading them rather than taking them. Being post-Doctorate had seemed like such a good opportunity to prove that she was dedicated, maybe make those connections that she had struggled to achieve in her Master's program. A research opportunity with several guarantees that she would get published and on a few dig sites as more than a simple assistant. She had mostly spent the time harried by undergraduates, the chair of archeology, her mentee who loathed her, and HR struggling to get the benefits she had been promised. Tea had long since stopped working for her, and in a bid of true desperation she had tried a stim. Three days later she managed to fall asleep again, but her hands still shook slightly. She activated the call even as she barely began to read who it was from. Benezia's concerned and curious face filled the air. No doubt she was unimpressed with the scattered take out boxes and who have balked if she could see the mess further into the apartment. Regardless, her mother gave a hesitant smile and asked her about her research. The conversation was awkward and halting as Liara tried to decipher her mother's motives and Benezia struggled to be happy or interested in what her daughter was doing. They both agreed that it was nice to talk as easily as they lied about calling one another soon.


	29. Stories

Tarfin the Talxu simply never lost its touch Liara thought with a small laugh. While she was still a bigger fan of the books than the movie, she'd been delighted that an animation from her home world was included in that evening's particularly childish theme. As calamity continued to follow Tarfin around on the screen, Liara leaned back and quietly watched the audience experiencing his constant misfortune and clever solutions for the first time. It seemed universal that the slapstick would be funny, but she hadn't expected them to enjoy it so much. But she supposed that was due in part to her own conceptions, and her crew mate's view on her mother. Benezia had always read Tarfin the Talxu to her at night, her voice lowering to a ridiculous level as she imitated his gruff grunting and flared her biotics as Tarfin would. Honestly, Liara wished she had a recording of her mother reading the stories as it was ten times as funny as the animated feature, and not just because it was her mother being silly. Well, not entirely because of that. Liara gave a small smile as the room burst into laughter at Tarfin quickly cobbling back together a child's toy, much to the confused mother's relief. When her mother did it, it was with whatever was at hand, once she sculpted a small bird out of Liara's mash at dinner and then quickly pretended she had no idea how that had happened thanking the cook for her kind thought towards her daughter. Liara finally laughed a little too.


	30. Sounds

Sitting with her back against a crate Liara takes a moment for herself. The rest of the team and the student workers are still digging and sifting carefully through the dirt and clay from the dig zone. But here, inside the cave itself Liara can finally relax and enjoy the sense of discovery and the feeling of muscles burning slightly from being hunched over and carrying loads. Not that she'll enjoy the sheer soreness that will come tomorrow, but for now it means she's done good work. Hard work. She's been assisting with getting the lighting set up inside this portion of the cave. Carefully having to document and tag as she works the power strips and cords to the portable standing lights. She's half way done and is simply enjoying the low lighting and the sound of water running somewhere else, echoing around. In the distance she can hear the soft chatter of the dig team and the clicking sound the sieves make as the sides touch on each shift. If she strains, she can hear the generator that is set up a fair distance away and she's pretty sure she imagines hearing some form of bat fluttering about. Soft sounds, chaotic and planned in their own way.


	31. Camping

Liara happily sat close to the fire, chilled by the cool night air. Shiala shooed her back a pace in case the wood or coals popped and sent out embers while Benezia prepared to cook their dinner. Shiala had balked at bringing out a stove with them, Benezia had wheedled a promise for at least foil wrap, and Liara had happily dug a hole where their fish now sat cooking with coals. It was their second night on the trip and it was Yavel's skill with a fishing rod that got them more than bread and root vegetables or worse MREs the commando had brought as back up.

Admittedly, few regular people would think of this as a simple camping trip, after all Benezia had decided to bring ten of her acolytes and their omnis to keep things running smoothly. And Shiala had barked out orders for more of her commandos and guards to keep a perimeter. Liara however found it all wonderful and thought it no more strange than any other girl on a more standard version of the trip.

Yesterday she had learned about choosing a camp site, looking for signs of animal tracks and rocks to shield the site. She'd been allowed to run up and down the hill as much as she'd wanted, and had done so even after they had her start hauling the split logs from the bottom back to the top where the tents were. When they'd gone on a short hike learning about the trees and plants, she hadn't gotten in trouble for slipping and getting half covered in mud. Liara had climbed a tree at camp and when she was scared to come down her mother had climbed up and sat with her for a while. They sang a few short songs and Benezia pointed out what she could see from their vantage before managing to convince Liara that descending the tree would not in fact cause her any harm. Before dinner Benezia had happily caught her daughter in a biotic field every time she climbed into the trees low branches and jumped out. At night the commandos had spirited her away without her mother knowing to teach her about the bioluminescence and biotics that the local wildlife had and how to tell the difference between an animal (or Yavel who grumpily moved about pretending to be an animal) and a plant that might use its powers to draw in insects or scare predators away.

Today she had gotten to sleep in as the sun allowed, run up and down the hill again, and splashed around in the river. As she gazed up into Thessia's ever moonless sky she felt happier than she could ever remember.


	32. Fears

It had been a long time since Liara had been afraid of bugs. Half a lifetime of dig sites, old libraries, old classrooms, and old apartments had trained the natural fear and revulsion right out of her. She had nearly laughed on hearing about Tali almost giving her hiding place away because a bug had crawled towards her. Tali, to her credit, laughed as well pointing out that it was extra silly since she wears a suit all the time and really didn't know why it bothered her that time. As Liara tried to sleep while Shepard and Tali grumped at the malfunctioning VI, Liara found herself staring at the vents in a cold sweat. Her body still itched and tingled as she thought about the Rachni, unable to scratch and relieve that through a hard suit she had essentially no option but to imagine that smaller versions now crawled on her skin waiting to burrow into her flesh.

That was perhaps a tad dramatic, but Liara felt herself twitching and worrying all the same.

With her stomach hanging out somewhere around twenty feet below her feet and the constant internal chill left over from her fear, Liara had been unable to eat, drink, or rest. And it was her turn to sleep. Tali had gotten first round, then Shepard had taken second. It was third shift, Liara needed to sleep. Who knew how many more lurked below, along with Geth and most likely her family. No, her mother's…Benezia's followers. She clenched her jaw and hoped beyond hope she was wrong. That below them there were no Asari at all. That below them there was her mother and her many adoptive aunts. That Saren was there, half dead from cold. That she was back safe on the ship. Her stomach flipped and her back began to cramp. Liara forced herself to deal with the pain. Hurting was good. That's what she had been told over and over, hurting is good it means you're alive.

Was mother alive? Maybe she had been killed and the recording faked? Maybe she had fled after that, knowing she had done wrong and wanting to stay away from others. She would hide at one of her bolt holes and stay until this was over. She would be afraid, scared for what she had done what she could still do. She was not here on Noveria. Liara left the fear come back creeping with the cold.

She was not rattled by what they would find. It was definitely the Rachni, which was ridiculous because she hadn't been afraid of bugs for years and years and years.


	33. Love

Liara had forced herself not to skip along the small path, after all she had a lantern and the short bristly grass was slick from the river. She didn't need a higher power or cognition to know that if she slipped into the cold, dark waters and was fortunate enough to survive her mother would give her a proper talking to. It was the fear and annoyance of being berated that gave her pause even as her mind skipped over the river's grip.

This was just for them, Benezia walked just in front of Liara. The matriarch held one hand aloft and let her biotics ripple around it creating a torch to see by. Her long, flowing pant legs had been secured at the calf by a few pieces of string but still had trace amounts of water and mud at the edge. While Benezia had opted out of a shirt she still had a sheer shawl draped over her shoulders. The trailing edges shifted and danced on the light breeze and shimmered in the biotic lights. Liara equally watched the ground where she walked and the tattoos that seemed to drip down her mother's back. Some earned, some gifted, some chosen. Beautiful nonsensical patterns in black the color of the galaxy, the space between the stars. Benezia's sparkling eyes glanced over her left shoulder, a gentle smile on her lips as Liara tried to pretend she was watching her way before giggling and looking back up in time to see her mother shaking her head in both love and exasperation.

Across the way was a large tree, Liara didn't know what kind, but all of its flowers had a brilliant glow to them. The fallen petals underneath looking almost like snow or jewels from this side of the river. A small stone bridge was the only way to cross, no rails as it had been constructed generations upon generations ago. Benezia paused and gently guided Liara across the bridge, slowing her natural instinct to dart across the freezing stones. Coming in their bare feet meant going slow to not slip despite how cold a stone or squishy the mud. The river now behind them the tree seemed larger than ever, tucked neatly between non-biotic fauna it had a presence that would have been lost elsewhere amongst its peers.

At the base of its trunk Liara found her somber mood again. Benezia hoisted herself up onto a nearby stone and reached out for their lantern. As the future of their family Liara had carried that light from their home, and now her mother as the link between future and past would hang it on the tree in honor of her own mother. As Liara stood at the base and looked up she watched as her mother quietly whispered something up into the leaves and the picked a flower in full bloom. With her feet back on the ground Benezia gently placed it into the gap between Liara's crest placing a kiss on both her cheeks. They sat surrounded by the sweet smell of flowers, the sound of water, and the coolness of the soil.


	34. Nightmare at Illium

Liara sat at her terminal searching furiously; the information and the data all pointing to the same spot which had been abandoned mere moments ago. He was out there and if he found her first, Liara cut the thought off then same way the information was cut. It should be easier, this should be easier, but the letters and numbers on screen warped until Liara remembered that she didn't know how to read. The sweat began to pour down the sides of her face and neck. She choked on the freezing, ash filled air. How was she supposed to track him when she couldn't read?

Her mind was tingling and racing as she sprung to her feet, looking behind her for the source of her sudden fear. The Nos Astra skyline stretched out forever, obscured by distance and the electrical storm and the Reapers. The rain fell in heavy drops, red lights refracting and catching in the heat of the beams. He was here. Somewhere.

Liara ran, down endless stairs with gaping holes and bodies with gaping wounds. The blaring not loud enough to drown the screaming and sound of gunfire. Her hand slapped on her hip desperate for a gun, desperate for a way to fight if need be. Because he was _**here**_.

Shepard warned her that the Normandy was leaving, with or without her. Glyph warned her that the amount of time left until she died was rushing up. Nyxeris warned her to turn from her path. Her mother warned her about obsessions.

But he was here, if she could just find him first, if she could just, if he could be found, she could, she would, she needed to because he was here.

Liara cowered behind cover as the concrete shattered around her, purple glass and purple blood flecked across her face as the beam hit.

She just had to reach him first.


	35. The Talk

You must remember little one that for your entire life people will say things about you. They will say cruel things, and mean things. They will tell you, and they will imply, that you are a bad person. As soon as they know about your parents, they will judge you. If I could protect you from that, I would, Goddess I would hear it instead, I would take that instead. But I cannot. My sweet child, you are a wonderful, brilliant, creative young woman. And I am sorry that it will happen, but I want you to be prepared. Those girls you are making friends with will judge you. They will turn their backs on you based on your heritage, and based on your shyness. Whispers and taunts will follow you.

Don't you dare give them what they want Little Wing. Don't you dare back down and roll over. They think they know something about you. They think they know better than you or I, but they don't know a thing. You are going to outpace them. You are going to soar right over their foolish, ignorant heads. They are going to be left standing with sand in their mouths, blinded by your brilliance someday. But you have to fight them on this. Not with your fists or biotics, but with your head. You are not a monster or a deviant, but you will always be treated as such. You have to use that imagination and wit you have to dance away when they strike. You will have to always prove them wrong, one at a time, every time.

Justicars will sneer down at you, but you will have done nothing wrong and they will not be able to act outside the code. Do not let others rile you up, and listen to the Justicars when they speak for they stand on shifting waves, though they try to convince you to step from shore. I am sorry Liara, I am sorry to have given you this fight. I know that you can win it though, I know that you will plan past it and around it. And above all, I love you. I love you, I love you.


	36. Remembering Therum

She tried to remember what happened at Therum once. She had even gone to the consort's garden to get help pulling the memories back up. It was still a jumbled mess but not nearly as bad as it was before the visit.

She remembered before rather well. Liara had just arrived at the dig site a few days previously and had been tied up in meetings, paperwork, and getting familiar with the dig site itself. Liara had decided to explore as she was allowed around the ruins to get a better feel for the layout and had ended up in one of the farthest nooks along with a young student, a Salarian assisting on his first dig. They hadn't even heard the commotion until they were literally on top of it. The pops and shouts had been echoing and Liara had (unknowingly very wisely) said they should take a small offshoot from the main path and stay quiet. Below she had seen machines and Krogans, slaughtering the team she had been getting to know. Liara had been horrified but decades of training had kicked in as she grabbed the student and made sure he couldn't make noise, couldn't see. She whispered to him telling him they needed to be quiet and stay hidden, that they could escape. She watched the massacre below and tried to keep the terror out of her voice.

She had dragged him away and again explained their situation. She had found them a hidden corner to sleep in and had waited with him in silence for nearly a full day before he nodded off. Liara had then snuck back to the camp and stolen a container of water and a pocket knife. They waited in silence for another two days before Liara went back again and found them ration packs. Another two days and Liara went back for more water and looked until she found a handgun. It had a single clip in it, half used. The student had stared at her with twitching eyes and trust. So much trust. She never even got his name.

It was a few days later and Liara had woke to find him gone. She panicked and tried to wait, then heard screaming. She scrambled only to watch as the Krogan battlemaster beat the student, making only one demand. "Where is Liara T'Soni?" The Salarian had pointed up at her, a machine killed him and they charged her. Liara had run as fast as she could.

She dodged around crates and tumbled over a mangled body. The visit to the garden helped Liara to pause that moment, to realize that there were chunks of flesh missing from that Asari. To realize that her corpse had been eaten.

Before she'd only remembered running, randomly she fired the gun and once caught one of the machines in the leg. It was trampled underfoot by its fellows. She had seen the room then, she remembered being shown how the field could still be activated and the hope that the team had of being able to activate other devices. She had been equally thrilled when the elevator beyond that field had worked too. The whole team had voted to use it instead of their rickety omni-built one. Liara had used biotics to get up on that exposed floor, had frantically tried to type in the code.

She remembered being caught and struggling in terror, screaming as the machines and Krogan fired at the field. Her heart pounding as the battlemaster had flung himself and his biotics at the field. He'd had rockets flung at her until the volcano grumbled and then they stopped. He'd eyed the mining drill, listened to the earth, and opted to wait.

She remembered the continuous requests, threats, and pleading that he used to try and get her to explain how to drop the field. He used his long supply of food and water to torture from a distance. Mostly she remembered the pain from being stuck in the same position, the pain from not having any water, the creeping terror and then dismal acceptance.

The revisit helped her remember specifics of conversation, the way her mind had wandered and gone nearly mad. For the first time, with help, she remembered her first meeting with Manolo Shepard. He tried to talk to her; she had whispered and rasped to herself thinking she was hallucinating before death. She was able to remember the fear in Kaidan's voice as he asked how long she had been there. The rumble of the mining drill. The pain of dropping suddenly to the ground, how much it hurt as Shepard and Kaidan had to force her arms down to her sides. Asking again, how long where you there, do you know where you are, do you know what your name is. Her eyes glazed and unfocused. She had stuttered out fear, is he still here, he could find us, why, why, why? They'd given her a booster shot, Kaidan had given her water which she'd choked on. Vomiting from drinking too fast, too close to the veil. How Ashley had carried her as they made their escape and working to protect her as they were beset by the Krogan and the Geth.

Liara had remembered a flash of blue and white before waking on the Normandy.

What she learned on the revisit was that they were losing. The enemy had all the advantages, and they were pinned down. Liara had called her biotics, had called on her life, and had simply pushed with all she had. Geth flew off the platform back to the ground below, the Krogan staggered, Shepard and Kaidan and Ashley struck to kill. Liara passed out.

Karin Chakwas woke her gently asking her to not move or talk, just explaining that she was safe on the Normandy and they were going to the Citadel away from all this madness. Liara had fallen back asleep.

A/N: I tend to flit between multiple Shepards, so if you noticed that Manolo is male but previously Shepard was mentioned as female, you are correct and totally sane.


	37. Glyph

"Good morning Dr. T'Soni, would you like to review the briefings from last night?" Glyph bounced slightly through the air while Liara struggled to pop her back and neck while slapping at her alarm clock. With sheets tangled around her legs, Liara struggled to free herself for a moment as she rubbed at her temple.

"I have brought you coffee and a glass of water along with your daily medicines, as I have observed that you seem much better once these items have been consumed." Glyph seemed to twinkle for a moment before asking, "Would you like to review the briefings from last night?"

Liara grunted non-committedly and forced the water and multivitamin down before taking an eezo supplement and had a sip of coffee.

"Of course Doctor, food would be an optimal solution!" Glyph whizzed out of the room while Liara struggled to stand up. By the time she had hauled herself to the kitchen and flopped boneless into her favorite chair a plate of food was in front of her.

"Please be careful to not burn yourself as coffee or soup touching your bare skin will cause first degree burns at a minimum." Glyph, all too cheerfully told her. "Would you like to review the briefings from last night?"

Liara rolled her eyes but nodded.

"Excellent!"

Liara didn't really listen past that even as she watched his glowing orb bounce animatedly around the table. Flashing different colors for dramatic effect during his briefing. Liara, finally awake long enough to feel Asari again, smiled gently at him. Honestly, she was grateful she never changed his programming, Glyph was a stalwart friend through the years and his behavior had grown on her. Like an over excitable pet with a thrill for information analysis.

"Now that you are properly awake and paying attention, would you like to review the briefings from last night?"

Liara laughed, having been caught, and nodded. "Please start over Glyph and thank you for the breakfast."

"Certainly!"


	38. Ghosts

Sitting on the edge of the bed Liara watched the stuttering breaths come and go from the sleeping occupant. When he was awake she allowed herself to be selfless and kind, but as he slept her selfishness came roaring to the front.

Was this it then? This withered shell of a person, awake in small fits as death came, this was the last Williams.

Even so old and wane, he kept his great grandmother's features well. The strong chin, the way his face crinkled when he had smiled. It was wrong, he had been a soldier, a strong vibrant man who excelled with a gun but was better with biotics. His dark hair faded to a wiry grey, his unshaven face covered in thinning white hair. Where he had once had dimples in his cheeks, hallows rested instead. His mouth open wide, looking almost like he was screaming where he rarely had risen his voice above a whisper in his life.

He was the last one, his own daughter having perished after a heart attack at much too young of an age. He didn't want another child. So the line was over. Ashley would truly be gone.

And Liara hated that thought. Here was her little Benny, a man now but once a boy who had grabbed at her hands and called to her when he was scared. He had called her Grandma, or Gamma, or if he wanted something from her Gamma Ara because he knew that when he said it Liara saw a toddling babe struggling to speak. He had sung to her through the comms and demanded at least hard light holograms when they couldn't be there in person for his birthday. He bought her wind chimes knowing she mostly lived in space and on ships where they wouldn't sound because he found it funny and she found it sweet.

And here she was not mourning her Benny but Ashley, a woman dead more than a century.

Liara didn't have family, her own had been small and destroyed, mother killed by daughter and father never found after Cerberus's attack on the Citadel. Her family had grown beyond blood to her friends, and they had fallen one by one. Wrex had been one of the first, to everyone's shock, crushed in a cave in as the Krogan's rebuilt themselves. Javik had taken his ow life shortly after, as if permission had finally been given. And on it went. Each of her friends and family members passing on, returning home.

In their place Liara had found herself surrounded by their children. She was Auntie Liara then. Then it all drifted away, she had been their parent's friend not theirs after all. The Taylor's were kind but she never knew his grandchildren well. Wrex's veritable brood always welcomed her, but they were not knit together the same way Liara craved. The Zorahs and Vakarians were polite but distant as the generations went. The Williams had truly been a bastion for her. Allan, Benny's father, had called her Grandma and mammy if he wanted to tease her. He'd invited her to countless Christmas celebrations and birthdays and anything he could. Allan had loved her dearly and she had loved him. A soldier who made it out of war, refused a Spectre candidacy, started a family. Then Benny, who had not liked calling her great grandma and so gamma this and gamma that.

"Hey gamma, will you pass me the cranberry sauce?"

"Where is your sense of adventure grandma? Come on roller coasters are the best!"

"How wrong is it that I have to call you to complain that you never call? You don't write! Are you sick? Need a blanket gamma? Pick up your omni!"

"Gamma, gamma you won't believe, she's so small! She's, she's so perfect, ha! I, uh, I wish you were here, I can't wait till you're here. Oh God, you'll love her. Not more than me, but close. I think, you'll, she so perfect."

Liara smiled even as the tears slipped past her eyelids, and opened her eyes once more. This vibrant man with his stupid trumpet and dumb hair, reduced to a wheezing husk. Skin too thin and stretched too far over his atrophied frame. She loved him and hated that as she gazed on him she saw Ashley Williams hooked up to oxygen on her own hospital bed. Her long hair freely flowing in a way she usually detested. Whispering at them to shut up as they tried to talk to her and she tried to sleep. She had been in so much pain at the end, but looking on her wrinkled face and sunken eyes Liara had still felt a force behind them. A fire that dared her to feel pity. They'd held hands as her son prayed over her, and Liara had been honored to sit vigil with them after she passed.

That moment of watching in silence and candles as they grieved replaying in her mind over and over and over again. And as she sat in the silence now, alone at Benny's side, she tried to think of a prayer for him and failed him yet again.


	39. Shell Game

Liara had been playing, where else, in the dirt. Pulling out shiny rocks and bits of trash, her mother sat nearby laughing with one of her friends. The park was a nice place to spend an afternoon, near enough to the city center to be convenient for adults who always had somewhere to go, but big enough that the children were not fighting over equipment. Liara had originally been on a swing but had given it up when two friends had wanted to swing side by side. Now as she looked at her collection of items trying to decide what to beg her mother to keep and what she needed to simply give up hope of keeping.

It was then that someone had tapped her on the shoulder, an adult Liara didn't recognize.

"Hey kid, I'm taking a group down to the beach, you wanna come?"

Liara felt the smile on her face as she thought about all the shells she could find, they were much better than bottle caps and wires. Pocketing a few of the shinier rocks Liara followed the woman over to a group of kids who were all excited and boarding the small shuttle. Liara hopped on as well and buckled in.

The ride itself was longer than it should have been, but as they went the group sang a few songs and talked. When they finally reached the beach, the woman had let them out and seemed rushed or nervous. Getting back into the shuttle she drove off while the rest of them splashed into the waves. Liara quickly spotted an area with potential and started to dig.

With her pockets overflowing Liara found an older girl and asked if they could walk back to the park. The older girl rounded up a few more of their group before they began the walk back. Liara showed her shells and gave them to anyone who wanted one. Someone asked if they could stop for shaved ice and another asked if she was paying. As they paused and argued if they should or shouldn't Liara had noticed her mother's friend looking around frantically across the street. Liara waved as the suggestion to get a treat finally went to vote and was surprised as the matron ran over in near tears.

Muffled words reached Liara as she was almost smothered in the woman's flowing dress.

The whole group had to wait as police arrived and several more went to the beach for the rest of the kids. A few questions were asked while they complained that they had voted to get a treat and weren't allowed to now. Liara had very quickly found herself scooped up in her mother's arms and had rushed to show her the sea shells.


	40. Stranger than Fiction

AN: Now with less grammatical and spelling errors

First it's a high pitched tone, going up and down rhythmically, which she assumes is an issue with her headset, translator, or something creaking from the vents. There's a sound like beeping or tapping, sometimes she thinks it's Shepard or Garrus but when she looks they're silent. She thinks there are voices far off in the distance; unsure of their direction she asks if they can hear them. When Garrus says he doesn't hear anything Liara begins to worry. The rooms are closing in on them, and every time she turns her gaze to another area expecting a narrow hall, it's as if the room explodes silently back out. It's disorienting, like expecting one more step in a flight of stairs.

Someone is watching them, she's sure of it. Cameras, maybe there are bugs placed to spy on the Asari who normally live here. It makes sense that they need to keep track, and someone could be watching them now like Veetor did years ago. Does Shepard know where she's going? Why does Garrus keep so close to the Commander? What does he know that makes him cling to her like that when he normally hangs back? Liara still hears voices in the distance, but sometimes she hears voices behind closed doors. She doesn't mention it again, does Garrus not say anything because he doesn't hear them, or is it something more? She needs to keep an eye on them, they are keeping something from her but Liara doesn't know what. Their lying and the people watching and the voices are getting to her. She wants to shake it off.

Liara has been on edge since learning that Ardat-Yakshi live here. She's barely kept a handle on her fear after the dark elevator shaft, imagining Asari jumping out to kill them. As the first of the creatures screams in the distance Liara is only slightly validated that her companions heard it too this time. When she lays eyes on the creature Liara feels the compulsion that warns her something is wrong with her, with her mind. It's like hearing an order to shoot them; Liara feels her arms shake caught between a need to protect herself from them and from knowing that she would never kill her friends like this. Something is wrong, something is very wrong. Forcing herself to shoot at the creature and not at her friends, cowering behind a wall, Liara rubs at her temples. This is all wrong, why can't they hear this, what am I hearing, what if I'm—Benezia's labored and pained words return, pounding on the glass, fingers on my spine. Pleading for them to kill her.

The urge grows stronger. If she just kills them this will stop, she will be safe, but she cannot kill herself. Her gun clatters to the floor as she fights it. If she is indoctrinated, she will give them every benefit. Teeth are at my ear, compelled and believing in his word above your own, subsumed.

When the bomb finally goes off Liara almost cries in relief. The pressure gone, that aching pressure gone.


	41. Teachings

It's from Shiala that Liara has learned much of what she considers to be her core values. The steadfast determination, the unwavering loyalty, the desire to excel no matter the challenge, the willingness to sacrifice what is needed, and the ability to fully own up to her own mistakes. Liara does not always succeed, but she tries her best. Shiala was gentle affirmations and gentle rebukes. She was strong protective arms and silly voices when reading. Shiala taught her how to light a fire, navigate terrain, fire a gun, use her biotics offensively, to maintain her weapons and armor, to blank her emotions to see it all through. Liara falters in these on occasion, some more than others but she tries her best. Shiala was protector and mentor and nurturer all in one. Liara can easily see herself at only four demanding, "Shawla carry!" and in the same breath herself at forty Shiala holding a small vial of sand and another of water to celebrate her graduation. Even when Liara had fought with her mother, she had seen Shiala both to complain to and listen to her advice. Shiala had worked for Liara to have a peaceful life, one where her kindness and beauty would shine through. Liara often fails at these, but she does try. She does try her best. Just the way she was taught.


	42. Nightmare at Feros

Again. Liara planted her feet a little wider apart and sent another warp flying. Again. Liara tried to put more force behind it. Again. She tried to have it be more focused. Again. She was exhausted but had to keep trying, another warp released. Again. Another target shambled forward ripped in half by her biotics. Again. The asari she knew too well dodged left and right. Again. Liara didn't have time to wipe the sweat from her brow or beg for a break. Again. Her arms burned and her spine snapped. Again. Rank humidity and rotten meat, the asari easily stepped over a body on the floor. Again. Liara screamed as she let one last warp fly, watching through tears as she-it was finally killed. Liara had a scant second to sob before another sac opened, another beloved friend fell out and stood tall. Her pale eyes held no remorse or recognition, only hatred as she looked at Liara and demanded, "Again."


	43. Tales

She told magnificent stories. Tales older than memory and grander than fiction. Loves lost and won, sorrows which overwhelmed and were overcome. She had a gift with words. Liara could sit enraptured for hours listening and learning, a small crowd could easily gather around in public to listen with her. It was like being an acolyte, learning and questioning and debating. Liara felt younger than she was as the tales were woven, as other came and watched. It was a connection she never thought she would have, a surety of heart that made her smile and weep. While her roguish grin and penchant for diverting on side stories were new and all her, her tales were warm and familiar. She could see a similarity between them now, and wondered if her mother had taught her father or if it had been the other way around.


End file.
